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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25630690">Carnations for my Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riyusama/pseuds/Riyusama'>Riyusama</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Lilies &amp; Carnations [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood, Character Death, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, Hanahaki Disease, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, It was just, M/M, hahaha SIKE! it wasn't unrequited love all along, hanahaki!au, they actually loved each other!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:15:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,035</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25630690</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riyusama/pseuds/Riyusama</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Steven loved Andrew. It was that just that, plain and simple. Andrew was his best friend and he would do anything, give the world for his best friend. But that was all there was to it. Best friends. Nothing more, nothing less.</p><p>He did not think of Andrew of more, did not imagine their relationship going further. It was not normal anymore if it were to go further than best friends. Steven was not that kind of person, he did not indulge in that kind of sin. He was not a sinful person. </p><p>He loved. He loved his best friend and that was it. Steven loved Andrew, but not in the way that you would a lover.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adam Bianchi/Steven Lim, Andrew Ilnyckyj/Steven Lim</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Lilies &amp; Carnations [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1863001</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Carnations for my Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Jfc, as I wrote this I complained as to WHY it took so fucking long for me to finish it! I wrote Lilies in my Heart for only a day and this one took nearly 3 and just homaygosh, it fucked me up so much when I found out it got to a whooping 14k lmao I mean, I know it was long but damn I was not ready for it to become that long.</p><p>Anyways, there's gonna be a character here named Joana. Idk who she is, never saw her before, I just read about her being a character in another Standrew fanfic saying she's from BF NY lmao</p><p>This fanfic, as usual is un-beta so be warned lol didn't even bother to reread now scan it tbh</p><p>I would just like to also say that I feel somewhat proud lmao I have been a sickly person for a good portion of my life and damnnnn, the way I wrote and described the feelings and happening of a sick person here feels on point so yaaaasss kudos to me yo lol</p><p>anyways, hope you guys enjoy! We'll be dealing with Catholicisms here again so yeah</p><p>DO NOT FORGET TO READ THE TAGS. <b>READ THE TAGS.</b></p><p>Special shoutout to <a href="https://wobblesworld.tumblr.com/">Wobble's</a> Standrew <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4LOQjyGolF2cce7bOMPRQ0?si=Jdrj8piFQayW3qiOoEX5VA">playlist</a> and bfunsolvable's Standrew <a href="https://bfunsolvable.tumblr.com/post/625013218974269440/song-n-y-l-a-by-blackbear-youre-in-new-york-i">video</a>. I was listening and watching their works all this time while writing this fanfic and it was so nice uwu truly they are the staple producers for the Standrew ship uwu &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>‘ As of the year 2019, the Hanahaki disease has been a well-sought out and studied illness. For years, medical practitioners have been working on a cure for it. Like Cancer, the Hanahaki disease sometimes has no known cause except for the root cause of it being the patient’s psychological well-being. Psychologists have worked hand-in-hand with doctors to further better discover the earliest symptoms of the disease as most people who have them will only realize the illness once it is already in the later stages.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Many people do not realize that they have fallen in love with someone. Others had succumbed to the disease without ever knowing or pinpointing exactly who the person of their affection is that caused them, unrequited love. Flora experts and botanists have also lent a hand in the research for a cure, making sure that every flower from each patient will be examined so that the root cause or person of unrequited love of the patient may be found sooner.’ </em>
</p><p>It had been night by the time news had arrived at Steven. He had spent the entire day with his girlfriend, spoiling her and taking her to all of his favorite places in New York. It was the weekend anyway, so the silveret had all the time in the world to spend with his loved one. He had come home feeling giddy and loved, his girlfriend with him and his best friend being the annoying person that they are, calling Steven on a perfectly good weekend.</p><p><em> ‘He probably misses me.’ </em>Steven grinned as he took out his phone. It was the afternoon when Andrew called him and since there was no follow-up text, it probably wasn’t work-related. Adam would’ve tried to contact him too if Andrew wasn’t able.</p><p>“Shower or Andrew first?” Steven asked himself as he took off his jacket while scrolling through his contacts. “Maybe Andrew first.” He said as he pressed the call button while taking off his boots.</p><p><em> ‘The number you have dialed is not in service,’ </em>The call operator told him, making Steven arch his brow up in confusion.</p><p>“That’s weird,” Steven says as he hangs up the phone, then tries again. Yet the same voice picked up the call.</p><p>
  <em> ‘The number you have dialed is not in service,’  </em>
</p><p>“What?” Steven mutters out his confusion. “His phone must’ve died,” Steven concludes with a shrug. “Come on Andrew, that’s just lazy even for you.” He chuckles as Steven decides to hit the showers before going off to bed.</p><p>2:43 a.m. Sunday, Steven was already dozing off and halfway there to dreamland when his phone suddenly rings. The silveret groans, shifting around in his bed.<em> ‘Ugh, I forgot to put it on mute.’ </em>He thought to himself, feeling thoroughly pissed. He let his phone ring for a few times before Steven begrudgingly sat up from his bed and checked the screen.</p><p>It was Adam.</p><p>Steven sighed, it must be something important if Adam was calling him in the middle of the night. Probably something to do with Worth it. Steven answered the call and yawned. “Hey Adam, do you know what time it is?” Steven whined a little for his interrupted sleep. “This better be good you know, it’s a weekend.”</p><p>“Steven, Andrew’s dead.” His message is straight, direct to the point, and clear cut. Yet, it did not register quickly enough in Steven’s sleep muddled idle brain.</p><p>“What?” He heard the words Andrew and dead, yet Steven would have to confirm. “Andrew’s what?”</p><p>“He’s dead Steven.” Adam’s voice sounded broken like he wanted to cry over the phone. “I went to his place to check up on him and I found him dead inside.” Adam sniffled, trying his hardest not to cry on the phone. “You have to come here.”</p><p>“No,” Steven replied back, eyes widening as he was now fully awake. “That’s impossible! Andrew can’t be dead? You’re joking right!?” He nearly shouted back.</p><p>“Steven, I’m sorry. I just wanted to tell you. I really need you here, please visit soon.” Adam said and He could hear him sniffle again, trying to stay strong. There was a voice in the background and Adam answering yes to them. “Sorry, the police want to talk to me. I’ll call you again later.” </p><p>“Okay, take care, Adam.”  Steven bid his good-bye. “Call me immediately if you need anything.” He added quickly before their call ended.</p><p>Shock. That was what he was in. Shock. Andrew? Dead? That was impossible. He literally just talked to him earlier this afternoon.</p><p><em> ‘But I hadn’t heard his voice.’ </em>He thought internally and Steven could feel himself want to cry, yet no tears were in his eyes. His mind was a mess and his chest could not comprehend everything.</p><p>“I should’ve called back,” The silveret whispered to himself, hand on his lips as he stared out into the darkness of his room.</p><p>-----------------------------</p><p>The news had hit the media merely hours later after Steven had gotten Adam’s call. He hadn’t been able to get a wink of sleep since he was worried about his best friend and was anxious to hear more about Andrew. He didn’t want to believe it, but Adam wouldn’t joke about something so serious. He had stared at the dark for hours that by the time Steven had snapped back out of his trance, his room was slowly being illuminated by the morning light already. The silveret blinked wearily, trying to psych himself up from his bed.</p><p><em> ‘Tea,’ </em> He thought. <em> ‘Yeah, tea. I need that right now.’  </em></p><p>Slowly and tentatively, Steven stood up from his bed and padded his way to his kitchen. He always had a matcha mix ready in his place and right now, he was glad that he didn’t have to go through so much just to get some sense of… Well, <em> anything </em> right now.</p><p>The day went by like a blur and he had people calling him. Adam had texted him the details of what happened and the shock just kept on piling up. He had known that Andrew was sick, had known that he already looked horrible the last time they met and he <em> knows </em> he should’ve forced Andrew to go to the hospital when they were driving weeks ago.</p><p>“Hanahaki,” Steven muttered in disbelief, yet at the same time not. “It was Hanahaki.”</p><p>He downed nearly half of his matcha latte and felt his stomach ache and rumble. “Please, not now,” Steven said in frustration. His stupid stomach aches and it’s horrible timing. He should probably just drink some medicine for today, to heck with it.</p><p>As soon as it was a decent enough time, Steven called HR. The news had already been all over the place and if someone heard the news from him, he didn’t care. His voice was monotonous, lacking emotion and he could hear from the other line that the HR person sounded just as shocked and sorry.</p><p>He got himself a week off, wanting to help out in the funeral arrangements. Maybe it was a bad idea to bottle up all of his feelings right now, but if it got him through the day without having to break down then that was good. It wasn’t about him, it was about Andrew and his family. It was so fudged up because he had met Andrew’s parents already, his mother, father, and siblings and they were such nice people that he knew that <em> they did not deserve this. </em></p><p>His girlfriend immediately came to his place to comfort him and Steven basked in her hugs and kisses. He wanted to be comforted by her, to maybe even cry on her shoulders, but he couldn’t. He was numb and detached.</p><p>Nothing felt right.</p><p>Clearing his schedule and immediately flying back to L.A., he was thankful to Ryan and Shane for picking up on his slack. They offered to lift the weight for Steven, including their watcher duties. Andrew was his best friend, they said, they could give him all the time he needed to recover again.</p><p>Barely a day had passed and Steven was already on a flight to L.A. He needed to see everyone, needed to talk to Adam, and see everything for himself. He wanted some kind of closure and it hurt him so much.</p><p>And hell, this stupid upset stomach of his won’t stop hurting.</p><p>“Steven!” Annie called out to him as soon as he entered the place when she opened the door for him. They agreed to meet in Adam’s place, the cameraman feeling far too traumatized by seeing his other best friend dead in his house.  She came to him and gave him a big warm hug. Steven hugged her back and from the corner of his eye, he saw Adam. The other walked to him and joined in on the hug. “I can’t believe Andrew’s dead,” Annie said as she cried.</p><p>“I can’t believe it as well,” Steven answered as he rubbed her back to try and comfort her. He looked to his side where Adam looked tired and distraught. There was a redness in his eyes that told Steven he had cried. “How’re you feeling Adam?” Steven asked as he lifted a hand to lightly brush his fingers against Adam’s dark locks.</p><p>“It was so horrible to see him like that,” Adam whispered as he buried his face on Steven’s neck. “There were lilies everywhere. There were so much blood and lilies. I don’t understand how he could’ve hidden that from us.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Steven said as he pulled away for a moment. “I think we should sit down.” </p><p>Adam led them to his living room. He sat down on his couch and Annie immediately went to his side to comfort him. Steven sat at Adam’s other side and they all just stayed there quietly for a moment, being in each other’s presence.</p><p>“If it’s alright,” Steven asked, cautious and afraid. “How did you find him?”</p><p>“I was…” Adam started, his bottom lip trembling. “I was going to his house since I was worried. He asked me a couple of days ago to just send the files to his email, but I just couldn’t help but visit him. He took a day off for his doctor’s appointment and I thought…” Adam stopped and his eyes watered. “Fuck, it was so fucking horrible.” He covered his eyes with the palm of his hands and Annie hugged him.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t be asking.” Steven quickly apologized as he held Adam’s hand. “I’m sorry-”</p><p>“No, I want to tell you guys.” Adam said with a sigh, he took in a deep breath then glanced at both Steven and Annie. “You deserve to know and if Andrew’s family wants to hear it as well…” He stops again, unable to fully finish his sentence.</p><p>“Okay, okay,” Steven sniffles. There is a pain in his chest and for the first time he finally feels like he’ll be able to cry. “Just, don’t force yourself.”</p><p>“I got to his house and I knocked. He didn’t answer so I don’t know, I just grabbed the door and it was open.” He sighed and even his sigh was choppy. “I was scared that maybe something bad happened to him, then I saw blood on the floor and I just…” A tear left Adam’s eye and Steven felt his heart clench. His body felt numb yet everything hurt all at the same time. “I went inside immediately and I saw the lilies and Andrew was on the floor and fuck,” </p><p>“It’s okay,” Annie said as she rubbed soothing circles on Adam’s back. “It’s okay.”</p><p>“I… There were lilies everywhere and he was on the floor looking like he was reaching for something. I fell on the floor and I checked to see if he was still alive.” Adam explained and he cried and held Steven’s hand tighter. “I checked his pulse and tried to see if he was still breathing but…” He shook his head. “I checked what he was trying to reach out for and it was his phone. He probably tried to call someone before he…” </p><p>“He called me.” Steven said and he was trembling. It felt as though a dam of emotions had just broken out and Steven couldn’t hold it in anymore. Adam looked to him and held him. “He called me in the afternoon. He called me and I couldn’t hear him and I should’ve called him again.” Steven said and he turned to Adam so he could hug the other and cry onto his chest. “It’s my fucking fault, I should’ve called him back. He might have still been alive and I…” Steven cried and Adam hugged him closer.</p><p>“Shush, it’s okay. It’s alright. It’s not your fault.”  Adam said as he let Steven bury himself on his chest, crying his heart out because god knows Steven needs it too. Adam knows that when he contacted Steven, the other hadn’t cried properly and was able to confirm it with his girlfriend. They all needed one another.</p><p>“Steven, it’s no one’s fault.” Annie added as she adjusted her seating so that she could give both men a hug. “It’s no one’s fault. If we’d known, we would’ve done everything to help Andrew.” </p><p>“But I knew,” Steven said as he looked up to the two fo them. “Before going to New York, I told Andrew I wanted to take him to the hospital because he was coughing a lot of blood and he said no and I should’ve forced him Adam, I should’ve forced him. I wanted to take him that time, I wanted to make sure he was alright, but I didn’t and he called me and I didn’t hear him and It’s all my fault.” He was rambling now, spouting out word vomit that made it all seem like it was his fault and right now, Steven feels so sick that he could vomit right now.</p><p>There was a lump in his throat that was forming and it was getting hard to breath. Steven felt his entire body was going to spasm and he held onto Adam for support. He couldn’t breath,he couldn’t anymore. He didn’t want to breathe anymore.</p><p>“Steven, Steven calm down.” Adam told him and Steven just cried. How could he be so cruel? Here was Adam, the one who had seen everything and the one to discover Andrew’s dead body calm and trying to comfort him. But Steven, the one who ignored all the signs and let his friend die was the one crying hysterically.</p><p>“Steven, breathe.” Annie said as she stood up from her seat and came to Steven’s aid. “Calm down and breathe.” She gave the silveret some space, but made sure his attention was on her. “Follow me, breathe.” She motioned as she showed to the other to breathe slowly and surely.</p><p>He looked to Annie and tried to copy her breathing, he felt pathetic and useless. The amount of horrible feelings that just suddenly bubbled up and escaped inside him was tremendous and awful, and everything was just horrible. He didn’t know how long it had been of them trying to help him to breathe and quite frankly, Steven probably doesn’t want to know as well. By the time he was able to breathe somewhat normally, Steven felt the weariness that he had ignored for the past days, weeks, months, and <em> years. </em></p><p>He felt his eyes droop down, he rested against Adam’s chest.</p><p>“It’s okay, you’re doing great.” Annie said as she lightly brushed Steven’s hair to help him calm down faster.</p><p>“You should rest, you probably haven’t slept enough.” Adam sufficed.</p><p>“I’m…” Steven tried to answer back, but in the presence of Adam and Annie he felt so safe and comforted. His heart still hurt and his stomach was a mess. But maybe, just for a second, he could close his eyes.</p><p>The moment Steven fell asleep, Adam had gently helped him lay down on the couch. When he and Annie had heard that Steven was immediately coming back to Los Angeles, they both felt relieved and worried. They all needed to be with one another at this time, but they also knew that Steven was probably going to be handling it the worst.</p><p>“I’m glad that he’s getting some sleep.” Adam said to Annie as they both went to his kitchen to make a cup of coffee. “He probably feels horrible.”</p><p>“You should rest too,” Annie told him. “I know we’re all worried about Steven, but Andrew was your best friend too.” She reminded him gently. “And you were the one who found him. That’s gonna stay with you Adam and I’m worried.”</p><p>“I know,” Adam replied as he closed his eyes and tried to lightly massage the eyelids with one hand. “And I’m probably gonna need therapy for this but…” He sighs and is surprised when Annie suddenly gives him a hot cup of coffee. “Thank you.” He takes a sip first, trying to calm himself down before he continues. “Andrew and Steven were closer and…” He didn’t want to dare and say the elephant in the room.</p><p>“You don’t think?” Annie inquired.</p><p>Adam shook his head. “I don’t think Steven knows,” He sighs. “Heck, I’m pretty sure Andrew himself didn’t even know.”</p><p>“Are you sure it’s Steven?” Annie whispers in a low tone of voice, afraid that Steven might suddenly wake up and catch onto their conversation.</p><p>“Like 90% sure.” Adam tells her. “But, we can’t let him know. It’ll destroy him.” </p><p>“No, no, I’m with you on that.” She agrees. “It’s just… I’m just shocked that Andrew kept it from us.”</p><p>“We’ll know more from the police.” Annie says as she rests a hand on Adam’s shoulder. “But for now, all we can do is just stay together.”</p><p>-------------------------------------------</p><p>Steven woke up to the horrible pain in his stomach. His body had hurt and he was sleeping in a weird position at Adam’s couch. The silveret held tight at the comforter on top of him, gripping tight on the sheet as he forced his stomach to calm down.</p><p><em> ‘Probably from that coffee tea I had earlier,’ </em>He thought to himself. His doctor had already warned him of the acidity level in his stomach due to constant consumption of coffee and tea. He was stressed and the amount of fatty oily foods that he was consuming during their Worth it videos was putting a strain on his body. The advice of eating healthier and consuming more vegetables was given to him, but with Steven being a workaholic it just wasn’t giving him enough energy to go on with work daily.</p><p>Steven moved into a fetal position, hand on his stomach as Steven whimpered in pain. It hurt so bad and he felt the drinks he had earlier travel their way up to his throat. He tried to calm down and when he breathed in deeply, all of a sudden all the liquid and acid in his stomach came up and Steven nearly hurled at Adam’s floor. He stood up in shock, eyes wide and looking everywhere around him. The room was dark and Steven quickly fished for his phone so he could walk around the room. </p><p>He could feel the vomit rising up and tears were dangerously close to escaping in the corner of his eyes. He navigated around the room, feeling more sick with each second that passed by. He was dizzy and his knees were weak. He knocked over a couple of chairs and random items on his way and when he found the familiar path to the bathroom, Steven was glad that it was close to the living. When he entered the bathroom, Steven couldn’t even be bothered to open the lights as he immediately went to the toilet and dumped all the puke there was in his system. </p><p>It hadn’t occurred to Steven that his little finding the bathroom fiasco had woken up the owner of the house. One moment Steven was heaving in the dark and next there was light behind him until the entire bathroom was illuminated and Adam was behind him.</p><p>“Steven what happened?” Adam asked worried as he crouched down next to Steven on the floor.</p><p>He couldn’t answer, couldn’t talk when he was in the middle of emptying out his body of all the horrid things that were making him feel sick. Steven trembled, crying as he vomited and he couldn’t even properly hear Adam’s comforting words nor feel the hand that was on his back.</p><p>Everything hurt and Steven just wanted to curl up and cry it all out.</p><p>His throat was chafed, any amount of food that he may have eaten earlier today was thrown into the toilet bowl. By the time he had finished, Steven was pale and weak.</p><p>“Hey, come on. I’ll help you up.” Adam gently held Steven’s arm and put it on his shoulder as he held the other up. “Let’s get you washed up.” He slowly maneuvered the two of them to the sink and assisted Steven in helping himself clean up. Adam had never seen his friend look so distraught, he looked worse than Adam who was the one who saw the body.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Steven said as he cried while washing his face.</p><p>“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Adam assured him as he basically buried Steven’s weight around. “I have some spare clothes you can borrow.” Adam said as he led Steven back to the living room. “Just give me a second,” He told and when Steven wasn’t responding, Adam had to cup his chin softly and make Steven look him in the eyes. “Steven, tell me you’re fine now.”</p><p>The silveret only nodded and Adam took what he could get. He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Steven’s forehead before he rushed up to his room. He wasn’t sure which clothes to give to Steven, but Adam took whatever was his biggest and baggiest before coming back down. As soon as Adam was rushing down the stairs, he could already hear the unmistakable crying from Steven. He made his way to the living room again and found Steven on the couch with rivulets of tears streaming down his cheeks.</p><p>Adam’s heart hurt for his best friend.</p><p>“Steven, let’s get these off of you.” His voice was soft and calm, trying to help the silveret out of his dirty vomit tainted shirt. Steven nodded and took the shirt off. He graciously accepted the shirt Adam gave him and felt bad for easily getting tear stains on them as he wore them.</p><p>“Hey, hey,” Adam said as he pulled the other close. “Come here.” He hugged Steven and once again let him cry on his chest.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Steven wailed as he gripped tight at Adam’s shirt.</p><p>“I know, just let it out.” He basically had to shift for comfort, until he and Steven found a good position wherein Adam had to carry the younger and let him sit on his lap crying. “Just let it out. I’m here Steven, I’m here.”</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Second day in L.A. and they had gotten the full report from the police. Andrew’s cause of death was by Hanahaki, as confirmed by the doctors he had visited prior to his death. Steven was questioned by the police as well since he was the last one to supposedly contact Andrew. He had ended up breaking down in the middle of their conversation as well.</p><p>They speculated that since Andrew’s supposed last message from Steven, in the moment that he was choking from his own blood, the nearest contact his fingers could have dialled was Steven’s. The explanation did not make the silveret feel any better and by the time he had finished, Steven was crying onto Adam again.</p><p>The news apparently spread like wildfire, but Steven couldn’t even be bothered to open his cellphone to check social media. He felt hollow and alone, guilty and ashamed. He had inadvertently ignored his best friend’s pleas for help and in return, his blood felt like they were in Steven's hands.</p><p>Third day in L.A. and all arrangements for Andrew’s funeral were set and they were now in a funeral home.</p><p>“You look horrible,” Shane mentions casually as they visited Andrew’s funeral. Ryan had to nudge Shane hard on the rib at the comment.</p><p>“Sorry about that,” Ryan apologized on behalf of his friend as Shane ducked his head down a little.</p><p>“No, it’s okay. He’s right, I probably look like shit.” Steven agreed with a sigh. He hadn’t been sleeping properly. Coffee and matcha were running in his blood streams now and every time Steven closed his eyes all he could see was Andrew on the floor in a pool of blood and lilies. Any kind of sleep or rest he could have had was denied in favor of just working.</p><p>“We came as fast as we could when we heard his funeral was only going to be for a day.” Shane explained. Andrew was their friend as well, so it came as a big shock to practically anyone on how he passed. Everyone was mourning and all of them tried to attend if they could.</p><p>“Yeah, his family didn’t want to prolong it in case some fans tried to barge in. It’s going to be small, just family and friends.” Steven said with a sigh.</p><p>“It’s going to be okay buddy,” Ryan said as he stretched his arms out for a hug and Steven easily leaned in for it. It was nice to feel Ryan’s strong arms engulfing him like this, he needed all the comfort he could get and was glad that his friends have been supportive so far.</p><p>“I--” He spoke but was cut off with a cough. “Sorry,” Steven said as he pulled away from Ryan so that he could cough away from the duo.</p><p>“Jesus, that’s one bad cough.” Shane mentions as he quickly goes over to a table at one end of the room to get a bottle of water for Steven. “Here, drink this.” He offers the water to Steven as Ryan takes the matcha latte from his other hand.</p><p>Steven accepts the bottle after his coughing fit and downs out half of it.</p><p>“Have you been taking care of yourself lately?” Ryan inquires worried.</p><p>Steven rubs his hand against his face, unable to lie to his friends. “No, it’s just been hard recently.” His stomach growls to make matters worse and the silveret feels his entire face flush at the sound. “And my stomach problem’s been getting worse.” He admits in a soft tone of voice, low from embarrassment.</p><p>“And you’re drinking matcha latte, great.” Ryan comments disappointed. “You know your doctor told you that your acidity is getting bad right? Did you even bring your medicine?”</p><p>“I did, I did,” Steven answers as he fishes said medicine from his pockets. “It’s just… Really hard to get by recently.”</p><p>“Fine, we’re cutting you some slack.” Shane says as he rests a gentle hand on Steven’s shoulder. “But seriously, you need to take care of your health too. We don’t want anything bad happening to you.” </p><p>Steven smiles, even though it’s hard to do so right now, there’s still a slight quirk of his lips on the side. “Thanks, I’ll go see a doctor.”</p><p>“Good idea,” Ryan says as he eyes the matcha latte in his hand. “And you’re not getting this back. Have you eaten yet?”</p><p>Steven shakes his head no. “I’m not really hungry,” He says and leaves out the part <em> ‘My stomach’s in too much pain for me to take anything right now and if I do eat, I’ll just vomit them out.’ </em></p><p>“You gotta though,” Shane tells him. “What time is the burial?”</p><p>“3 o’clock.” Steven answers.</p><p>“We still have two hours before it, so why don’t we get something in your stomach okay buddy?” Ryan says gently.</p><p>“I don’t--” Steven wants to reject their offer, but Shane cuts him off this time.</p><p>“Come on Steve, for us?” Shane pleads.</p><p>A sigh escapes his lips, he knows he’s not getting out of this. “Okay fine, but I don’t want to leave here.” </p><p>“They made sandwiches over there at the table?” Ryan says as he points to the area full of food. “I’ll get you a sandwich or two okay?”</p><p>“Okay,” He concedes.</p><p>Come the time for the burial and Steven was already crying. It was stupid, but he can’t help it. As everyone drove to the cemetery and everything dawned onto Steven more that he’ll never be able to see his best friend ever again, he couldn’t stop the tears from coming. Adam was beside him, hugging the silveret with one hand. Adam was a bit more braver than Steven, putting on a strong façade of not crying in public but his heart was breaking just as much as Steven’s.</p><p>The pain in his body felt like it was being amplified and Steven was already halfway to crouching down if it wasn’t for Adam supporting him. </p><p>“I can’t,” He whispered and held onto Adam’s shirt, pulling the other’s man’s attention to him.</p><p>“Steven what’s wrong?” Adam whispered back, making Shane and Ryan look to them in worry.</p><p>“I can’t, I feel sick.” Steven mentions quietly as one hand goes to his stomach and grips tight at it. “I’m, I’m gonna hurl, Adam.” His other hand went to his mouth to cover it and immediately, Adam excuses the two of them as Steven starts to tremble in his arms.</p><p>“Hold on Steven, there’s got to be a bathroom close to here.” Adam says with Ryan and Shane quickly following them from behind.</p><p>They made it a few steps away from the grave before Steven goes down on his knees and accidentally vomits at a different grave.</p><p>“Shit!” Ryan exclaims out as he comes to Steven’s side.</p><p>“What happened to him?” Shane asks Adam.</p><p>“I-I don’t know, he suddenly said he feels sick and just vomited.” Adam explained as he crouched down next to Steven to lay a hand on his back. “Did you eat something bad Steven?”</p><p>Steven shook his head as he continued to puke. “I…” He started before choking a little then, heaving back down to continue puking.</p><p>A caretaker of the cemetery came to them. “Is he gonna be alright?” The man asked.</p><p>“We’re sorry, he just hasn’t been feeling well recently.” Shane apologized on Steven’s behalf as he shielded his friend away from the stranger’s gaze.</p><p>“That’s gonna be shit to clean,” The man grumbled as he walked away.</p><p>“I’m sorry sir!” Shane apologized again.</p><p>“You good Steven?” Adam asked as he helped Steven pull out the handkerchief in his pocket. “I got you,” He helped the silveret sit down on the part of the grass that wasn’t tainted by Steven’s vomit and as he did so, Steven suddenly went limp in his arms like he had collapsed.</p><p>“Steven?!” Adam said in panic, looking to both Ryan and Shane. “Steven! Wake up!”</p><p>“Oh no, no,” Ryan quickly went to Steven’s other side and shook him. “Come on buddy, don’t do this to us.” He helped Adam get Steven up and the silveret was barely even lucid.</p><p>“This is bad, we should get him to the car.” Adam suggested.</p><p>“Here, give me him.” Shane offered as he got in front of Steven, careful not to step on the vomit on the ground. Ryan and Adam carefully led Steven into Shane’s arms as the other held him up in his arms. “Where’s your car?”</p><p>“It’s close by, I’ll try to get it running.” Adam said as he ran his way to the parking lot with Ryan and Shane following close by.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Steven mumbled out at Shane’s chest. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,”</p><p>“Hey, hey, none of that Steve-O.” Shane shushed the other, glad that he hadn’t fully collapsed at them. “We’re getting you to a hospital okay?”</p><p>“Okay,” Steven said as he could barely keep his eyes open. “Okay…”</p><p>---------------------</p><p>Missing Andrew’s burial was like adding insult to injury and by the time Steven had realized that they were in the car close to the hospital, it was already too late for him to protest. He had said that he wanted to go back and finish the burial, but everyone in the car had told him that the burial was already finished. Steven felt himself cry again and this time, Ryan was by his side to comfort him. </p><p>Adam had driven them to the closest hospital where the 4 men had helped Steven to the ER.</p><p>Ryan and Adam stayed by Steven’s side as Shane had to call their friends to explain what had happened. Steven didn’t know for how long they had stayed in the waiting room, but one moment he felt like he could sleep in his seat and the next Adam was waking him up so he could go see the doctor.</p><p>“Your friends tell me that your stomach pain acidity has been getting worse Mr. Lim?” The doctor inquired as the four of them sat at his office.</p><p>“Yes,” Steven answered embarrassed. “I… I haven’t been eating properly and when I do eat, I end up puking. There are days when it hurts so bad that I just stay in bed…” He admits.</p><p>“That actually happened a few days ago when he stayed in my house.” Adam told them, to which the doctor notes and Shane and Ryan look at Adam muttering<em> ‘What?!’ </em>under their breaths.</p><p>“And you tell me that you’ve been on medicine for acidity for almost two years now right?” He confirms to which Steven nods and answers a yes.</p><p>“Since it’s gotten worse recently, and we can’t rule out the fact that the stressor may be the cause of recent events and an unhealthy lifestyle, we’ll have to take some tests for you.”  The doctor suggests. “It’ll take some time, so if you will please follow me Mr. Lim.”</p><p>Steven had to tell his friends to go on without him after the tests had gotten as long as two hours, Ryan and Shane were the first ones to leave, telling the silveret to call them if anything happens and they’ll be back as soon as possible. Adam had stayed with Steven as a precaution and Steven was grateful for his friend. Other than Andrew, Adam was one of the few people he could actually trust. He felt safe and secure with the cameraman and quite frankly, if Adam wasn’t with him right now Steven would be an even bigger mess.</p><p>The wait for his results had taken too long that in the middle of waiting, Steven had gone into another puking fit. Shane and Ryan had bought some tacos for them to munch on earlier, Steven barely even finishing half of his no matter how hard he tried to swallow them. His throat had hurt and it felt dry as hell. He had decided on just gulping on more water instead and even so, that had still back fired.</p><p>He and Adam were inside a bathroom again, staying inside one stall as Adam had to help Steven get inside. He was weak and sick, feeling too fragile and he hated it. He didn’t know when he had started to cry again but in the midst of all the pain and vomiting he had done, Steven hadn’t realized the tears streaming down his face until Adam had placed a handkerchief on his cheeks to wipe them away. Steven looked to the other and there was a calm solemn look on Adam’s face.</p><p>He understood.</p><p>Steven sniffled, taking the handkerchief from Adam as he sat on the dirty hospital floor.</p><p>“I’m sorry you have to put up with me Adam,” Steven said as he tried to calm himself down. “It’s just really awful…”</p><p>“I don’t mind,” Adam tells him as he takes Steven into his arms and Steven sighs. He nuzzles his face against the crook of Adam’s neck when he feels the other lightly brush his fingers against silver locks. “We’re gonna be okay.”</p><p>The trip to the hospital turned into a longer wait, the doctors advised them to come back as they sent Steven’s blood sample for testing. He was given more prescriptions for his stomach problems and told to eat more vegetables and less oily meat for now. Steven was glad that he didn’t have any food related work at the moment, or that much work in general, another thing he was warned against by his doctors.</p><p>“Should I drop you off at your hotel?” Adam inquired as they left the hospital.</p><p>“Yeah, I have to clean up and meet my girlfriend.” Steven says as he rests his head against the car’s window. He still had a throbbing headache and was pretty much weak. “I’m still gonna be here for a couple of days, so do you want to hang out tomorrow?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’d like that.” Adam tells him with a smile as he looks to Steven. “I still have some time off too.”</p><p>Coming back to his hotel room, Steven immediately hit the showers. He’s aware that he smelled horrible and actually felt sorry for Adam for having to bear the scent of his stank. After his shower, his girlfriend texted him that she was on her way. He quickly clothed himself before he heard the doorbell. </p><p>“Hey,” Steven greeted as she let her inside the room.</p><p>“How’ve you been feeling?” She asked him concerned.</p><p>“Bad,” Steven says as he feels his stomach rumble again with pain. “Oh, horrible.” He puts a hand on his belly as he closes the door. “Sorry I haven’t been able to contact you recently.</p><p>“No, no it’s okay!” She said as she gestures with her hand that she didn’t mind. “It’s been a really rough week for you recently.</p><p>“Yeah, but you said you wanted to talk about something.” Steven said as he walked and sat on the bed, he patted at his side and asked her to sit with him.</p><p>“Yeah, about that.” She sighs. “It’s alright, we can talk next time.”</p><p>“No, it’s--” He feels a lump in his throat and Steven has to stop for a minute. “Sorry, I just don’t feel well.” He takes in a deep breath to try and calm his nerves.</p><p>“I know, that’s why I said we should talk next time.” She tells him gently, holding his hand.</p><p>Steven doesn’t know why, but he flinches at her touch. Maybe it was because his body has been sensitive recently or that he was getting irritated that his girlfriend just won’t talk straight to him today. “I told you I’m fine. It’s just a slight stomach issue.” He says, voice sounding a bit harsh before he can realize it. Steven shakes his head, he’s been getting real moody recently.</p><p>His girlfriend scooches away from him.</p><p>“I’m sorry, that came out wrong.” He apologizes.</p><p>“You’re stressed and sad because Andrew’s gone. It’s okay Steven, I understand.” She tells him as she places a hand on his back. </p><p>“Please don’t touch me,” Steven says as he lightly slaps her hand away. “Sorry, maybe this really isn’t a good time. I just feel so moody.” He admits.</p><p>“You’ve been really moody since a couple of weeks ago actually,” She tells him gently. “Are you taking care of yourself?”</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Steven inquires, his eyes narrowing to her as he misunderstood her words.</p><p>“It’s just, you’ve been on edge before everything and I know you’re stressed.” She tells him to try and get Steven to calm down.</p><p>“Well, excuse me for being a moody asshole.” Steven tells her out of a spite and his eyes widen as soon as the words leave him. “Ugh, I’m sorry.” He turns away from her, embarrassed.</p><p>“Steven, I’m worried.” She says. “With Andrew dead and you’re--”</p><p>“Don’t say that!” Steven shouts at her. “Don’t say Andrew’s--” He sighs heavily.</p><p>“Steven, you need to calm down.” She tells him, feeling a bit afraid.</p><p>“I’m sorry, can you just…” Steven tries as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “You’re right, I’m in no state right now to even be having a conversation about our relationship.” He tells her.</p><p>“About our relationship?” She asks, confused. “Steven, that’s not what I was trying to say.”</p><p>“What do you mean? Isn’t that what you’ve been trying to say in the first place?”</p><p>She sighs this time, shaking her head as she stands up from her seat. “Steven, you’re angry right now and I understand. But you don’t need to take it out on me. You’re just being an asshole.” She walks away to turn her back on him.</p><p>“I’m sorry, it’s just that you keep getting on my nerves today--” Steven tries but is cut off by her.</p><p>“You’re sorry? I come here because I’m worried about you and you just brush me off like this!” Her voice is a bit higher now, indicating she was starting to get angry as well. “Steven, if you didn’t want me to come, you should've just said so earlier!” </p><p>“Well everything’s stressful and I can’t always think straight right now okay?!” Steven shouts back as he stands up as well. “Even our relationship sounds so stressful right now!” He didn’t mean that, but he was so angry all of a sudden.</p><p>She takes a step back, looking hurt at his words. “I know you’re just angry, but you’re too much.” She says and she looks away, trying to stifle down a cry. “I think, maybe we should take some time off.” She suggests, almost afraid to even say it at first. “If you think this relationship is stressful.”</p><p>Steven sighs, fine. He’ll do whatever she wants for now. “Fine, whatever.” He says with a groan. Steven covers his face with his hands as he sits back down on the bed.</p><p>He hears her footsteps, doesn’t even say goodbye as she opens the door and shuts it quietly.</p><p>His life was a mess right now.</p><p>----------------------------------------</p><p>“I messed up big time,” Steven tells Adam as they meet for lunch. Or more like, Adam visited Steven at his hotel for lunch, wherein Adam is still the one to provide food for them.</p><p>Steven had initially wanted to cancel their lunch date, telling Adam that his stomach was hurting once again and that he didn’t really want to go out. Cue in his concerned and amazing best friend going out of his way to buy a healthy lunch for Steven and come up to his door a couple of minutes later with a smile.</p><p>Seriously, Steven doesn’t know what he did to deserve such an amazing friend like Adam.</p><p>“Why? What happened?” Adam asks over a meal of chicken and rice. He had made sure to find a good restaurant where they had their fried chicken cooked in an oven with less oil, bought some salads for Steven and went an extra mile to grab some yogurts as well. Steven had had an acidic stomach for some time now as he and Andrew knew, so they both usually took an extra mile to make sure Steven was eating well after their shows.</p><p>“Well, I think I accidentally… Broke up with my girlfriend.” He sighs as he puts down his takeout fried chicken. “I was feeling really moody and horrible, I’m pretty sure I took it out on her and well… She asked for some time off.”</p><p>“Well, you haven’t really been in the best spot recently.” Adam agrees, careful with his words as he knows that Steven has been really emotional recently. His sickness, topped with what happened with Andrew recently, Adam knows that Steven was either a ticking time bomb or a crying mess, there was no in-between. “Did you apologize to her?”</p><p>“I did over text, but she didn’t really respond.” Steven says as he lazily plays with his food with his fork. “I was really dumb yesterday, but I think breaking up for now might be the best thing.”</p><p>Adam arches up a brow at his words. “Why’s that?” </p><p>“I’m just not really mentally stable at the moment to be with someone.” Steven says as he covers his face with his hands again. “She deserves better.”</p><p>“Hey,” Adam inches closer to Steven and gently holds one of his wrists so he and Steven can look eye to eye. “Just because you made one mistake doesn’t mean you’re trash.” He places his food down on the bed next to Steven’s.</p><p>“Thanks Adam,” Steven smiles. Adam really knows and understands him, Steven’s just really grateful in general.</p><p>“But, how’re you feeling right now.” Adam inquires genuinely with concern.</p><p>Steven looks down, almost looking as though he’s about to cry again. Why does he always feel like this with Adam? He hates having to show such weakness and hates that he’s such a mess right now. “It’s not getting better.” His hand falls down and Adam doesn’t let go.</p><p>“Do you still keep on vomiting?” Adam asks again, moving closer to Steven so now they’re facing each other as they sit on the bed.</p><p>“Yeah, and my head hurts a lot and I feel dizzy all the time.” He admits and a tear falls from his eyes. “Ugh, I’m sorry. I’m being such a cry baby right now.” Steven tries to laugh it off. “If Andrew were here, he’d make some dumb pun and we’ll laugh and--” Steven tries to continue, but he sniffles and the tears won’t stop anymore. He has to cover his eyes with his arm that was free from Adam’s grasp.</p><p>“I know,” Adam says as he pulls Steven close to him again. “It’s okay, just cry it out again.” They’ve slowly fallen into this pattern, Steven either crying to him or the both of them crying together. Most of the time it’s the latter, but Adam is a bit tougher than the younger. They’ve already buried Andrew and with that, Adam wants to be able to move only slowly.</p><p>He’ll get through this, he knows he will. And he’ll have to drag Steven like hell just for the two of them to be okay.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m being so selfish.” Steven says and he pulls away to look at Adam.</p><p>They stare at each other for a moment, Steven dizzy and mesmerized. He didn’t know what came over him but he looks to Adam’s lips and he leans in forward a tad. They could’ve easily pulled away from each other, Steven, even though not in the right mind can still turn away. And yet, Adam also leaned in close, their breaths touching one another, one moment led to another and they kissed.</p><p>Steven closes his eyes and lets himself be swept away in the kiss. Adam comes in closer, diminishing the space between them as he traps Steven between his body and the headboard behind them. The brunet takes his place in between Stevens legs and Steven lets Adam get close to him.</p><p>It hadn’t even occurred to Steven how wrong this felt, that he was kissing his best friend right after a day he had just broken up with his girlfriend, that he was being selfish and needy for having Adam get his way like this, that Steven was being selfish… But most of all, that he was sinning against God.</p><p>But all of them didn’t come to mind. All that mattered right now was that Adam was warm and comforting to be against Steven’s body. That he made Steven feel something that wasn’t pain, shame, or guilt. Adam made Steven feel loved and wanted at this very moment.</p><p>He feels Adam’s hand on his waist and Steven moans, his fingers sliding up under his shirt, the brunet’s touch hot against Steven’s skin. Adam deepens the kiss, his teeth lightly nip at Steven’s bottom lip before his tongue comes out to soothe and ask for entrance to Steven’s mouth. The silveret sighs into the kiss, let’s Adam have his way with him. Steven kisses back languidly, with much enthusiasm and fevor. It feels good, feels amazing and Steven loves the way his body just molds against Adam.</p><p>Adam pulls him closer and Steven is now nearly sitting on Adam’s lap, his hands found themselves on the brunet’s dark brown locks, softly holding onto the threads. It was comforting to be engulfed in Adam’s arms and to have him kiss him this sweetly and softly.</p><p>They break their kiss, the need for air not as urgent but just because they’ve decided to keep their kisses sweet, not too passionate in the wrong direction. Steven looks to Adam with half-lidded eyes as he continues to give little pecks at Adam’s pink flushed lips. He loves it, adores the feeling of his best friend's hands and lips against him.</p><p>It’s the only thing that feels right in his life right now.</p><p>Until it didn’t.</p><p>They stopped, looked at each other in the eyes and it took a moment for everything to register in Steven’s brain.</p><p>
  <em> ‘Oh no.’ </em>
</p><p>Steven’s eyes blink a few times and they slowly widen. He looks to their position and finds himself pulling away from Adam. The brunet’s hands shy away from Steven’s body as Steven himself starts to move away from Adam’s lap so that he can sit back down on the bed. Steven touched his lips and was too distraught by what happened that he was speechless.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Adam starts as he lowers his head. “God, fuck that was stupid.” He continues off, cursing at himself as Adam grabs a handful of his hair then, stares up at the ceiling. </p><p>“I…” Steven starts as well, not knowing how to break the ice between them. “It’s my fault too.” He says, knowing that Adam wasn’t the only one to blame. “I… We just weren’t thinking straight Adam.”</p><p>“Yeah,” The cameraman agrees. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I got caught up and I don’t know. I guess it felt good for once to not just feel awful.” </p><p>Steven nods. He felt the same.</p><p>“I guess we both needed a distraction from feeling like absolute shit,” Steven curses, which goes unnoticed by Adam. He chuckles a little and smiles at the other. </p><p>But then, their moment of peace was once again destroyed.</p><p>His throat burned and something vile traveled up from his stomach and chest. The feeling of something lodged within his throat became apparent and Steven coughed. He didn’t know which one he should hold, his stomach or his neck but it was apparent that Steven would have to cover his mouth from coughing too much.</p><p>“Do you need to puke again?” Adam inquired as he moved to Steven’s side again, ready to help the other in case he needed to run to the bathroom again.</p><p>“No, I just…” He couldn’t speak properly, then he suddenly held tight onto Adam’s arm. “Bathroom, bathroom,” He spoke with much urgency as Adam immediately lifted Steven up and pulled him into the bathroom.</p><p>He coughed copious times, blood dripping down to the toilet before his vomit followed soon after.</p><p>“This is really getting bad Steven,” Adam commented, relieved that Steven was able to hold it in until they got to the bathroom. It would be shitty on having to stay in a hotel room that smelled like vomit… Not that Steven wasn’t slowly getting used to it, since he does it numerous times a week now. “We should call your doctor again.”</p><p>Steven nods, the action small and barely noticeable but Adam caught it. </p><p>Steven screams, it hurts, it hurts so badly this time and he just wants that thing lodged in his throat to come out already. He heaves deeply, forces himself.</p><p>“Steven, don’t force yourself too much.” Adam warns, but it’s too late and by the time Steven spits out whatever was inside his throat, they both eye it on the toilet.</p><p>It was white and it disturbingly looked like a petal.</p><p>“Oh fuck,” Adam muttered as Steven was speechless.</p><p>“Steven, we’re going to the hospital right now.” Adam says and Steven agrees.</p><p>Adam drives back to the hospital with a sense of urgency. Both him and Steven had seen the petal in the toilet, there was no doubt about it. Adam may be overreacting and maybe it wasn’t really a petal, but fuck it, it was better to be safe than sorry. This was his best friend’s life on the line here.</p><p>Rushing back to ER, some of the staff recognized Adam and Steven for coming back again. Steven was once again in pain for his stomach, he had looked pale a couple of days ago, but now he looked deathly pale since he had now started to vomit with lots of blood.</p><p>The silveret was given pain killers and for a short while, they worked as they waited for their turn with the doctor.</p><p>“It’s okay Steven, I’m here.” Adam said as he held Steven’s hand, intertwining their fingers together so that the silveret has something to grip on. It had taken almost an hour of a wait until the doctors were available and had found the results for Steven’s tests, they had to rush it since they weren’t expecting the silveret till tomorrow.</p><p>“You have poison in your system.” The doctor says, shocking both Steven and Adam out of their chairs.</p><p>“I have what?” Steven says then winces because his stomach was still feeling horrible.</p><p>“We found traces on Steroidal Saponins in your bloodstream.” The doctor explains. “Usually, they’re not harmful to humans, only toxic to animals. But, we found an unusually high amount of the poison in your system. This would explain your upset stomach and why you haven’t been eating at all recently.”</p><p>“But… How did I get it?” Steven inquires, feeling thoroughly confused.</p><p>“We’re not exactly sure? How has your diet been going?” </p><p>“I’ve barely been eating at all actually.” Steven admits with a tired sigh.</p><p>“And when he eats, they’re usually take-out when he’s here.” Adam adds.</p><p>“Well, there must be something you’re doing or taking that makes you have a high concentration of Saponins in your bloodstream?” He questions further.</p><p>“I… I don’t know, this is all so confusing.” Steven says as he rubs a hand on his forehead.</p><p>“What about the petal we saw at the toilet?” Adam asks again for Steven’s sake.</p><p>“We’re unsure about the petal. We have the bucket that Steven vomited in earlier, but our nurses are still looking through it to see if there are petals in it.” He explains calmly. “But rest assured, we’re now also testing for Hanahaki so the results should come in a few hours.”</p><p>They leave the doctor’s room dejected, Steven looking more lost and livid than he was earlier. Adam wishes he could do more for Steven.</p><p>“What if it’s because we broke up?” Steven asks the other, looking over to Adam. “What if, I made a big mistake of breaking up with her and now because I was being so dumb I’ll end up getting Hanahaki?” There were tears in the corner of his eyes.</p><p>“Hey no, none of that.” Adam chastises the other. “You don’t get poisoning from Hanahaki and we definitely don’t know for sure yet if what we saw earlier was even a petal at all.” He tries to soothe the worries from Steven’s thoughts. “You’re going to be okay.”</p><p>“I should…” Steven starts as he takes his phone out. “I should try to contact her again.”</p><p>Adam shakes his head, but doesn’t stop Steven for now. He feels bad for his girlfriend that she has to put up with this, but Adam doesn’t really know what to do right now nor how to make Steven feel better. He can’t very well try to kiss Steven again, that’s always been long gone and done. Both of them had already expressed how much they regretted it, especially Steven.</p><p>She won’t answer his calls, so Steven decided to leave text messages to his girlfriend instead. </p><p><em> ‘I’m in the hospital again, I just wanna tell you that I’m really sorry about what happened yesterday.’ </em>Steven starts, but quickly erases the message he writes. He didn’t want to sound desperate, didn’t want to sound like he was pleading too much.</p><p><em> ‘God, what would’ve Andrew said? He would’ve helped me.’ </em>Steven mused and the thought of Andrew made his heart burn. He hated this. Hated himself so much and he missed Andrew so badly that he’d give anything to get his best friend back. Steven wishes he did more, wishes that he had spent more time with Andrew, regrets that he moved to New York to work harder. He was already happy here in LA, happy being with his best friends, happy being with Andrew.</p><p>“I miss you so much,” Steven whispers and he sniffles. He’s about to cry again, his thoughts are always filled with Andrew. No matter how much Steven tries to distract himself and how much he just wants to take care of himself right now, he can’t.</p><p>Everytime Steven turns around, he can see Andrew in his head. He has that smile on his lips that Steven loves to see, he always did such dramatic antics just so he could get Andrew’s attention before. He misses being next to his best friend and just to have his arms wrapped around Andrew again like the old times.</p><p>He backs his message and searches for Andrew’s. He was the last one to message, but the last text he got from Andrew was when he was on his flight back here to LA.</p><p><em> ‘Just got to the airport. I’ll be leaving in a couple of hours. Thanks for the chocolates.’ </em> His message said and Steven smiled a little at the memory. There was a chocolate shop that opened close to their office. Andrew was too busy to come with him, so on the blond’s last day he decided to just buy a whole box of it as a gift to Andrew. </p><p>He mentioned it casually that it was better than whatever snacks they had in the plane anyways and he remembers the smile Andrew had on his lips when Steven gave it to him.</p><p><em> ‘Oh thanks Steven, I guess it’s better to have some ready in my bag. I don’t want to be choco </em> <b> <em>late</em> </b> <em> from my flight just from buying snacks.’ </em> Andrew tells his pun to which normally Steven would groan and cringe at, but he just found himself rolling his eyes playfully at Andrew.</p><p>He wishes that he appreciated his best friend’s pun jokes more.</p><p>By the time Adam had found Steven, he was softly crying, looking at the last messages Andrew had sent him.</p><p>“I miss him too.” Adam says as he sits right next to Steven.</p><p>The hours ticked by and soon enough, Steven was called into the doctor’s office again.</p><p>The room was silent. All of them sat down and looked at each other. It seems that the doctor was waiting for them to at least feel a bit comfortable before breaking the ice.</p><p>“It’s Hanahaki.” He confirms and Steven has to close his eyes in despair.</p><p>This wasn’t happening to him.</p><p>“I… I need to get back with my girlfriend.” He says and quickly tries to fish his phone out. “I… I need to tell her I’m sorry and that I want her back and--” Steven was cut off by his doctor before he could talk more.</p><p>“How long have you and your girlfriend been together?” He asks patiently.</p><p>“Uhm…” Steven thinks, tries to find the answer in his panic idled mind. “Five months I think?” </p><p>The doctor shakes his head. “It’s not her.”</p><p>“What?” Both Adam and Steven said in unison. “What do you mean it’s not her?” Steven asks.</p><p>“As I said earlier, we checked your bloodstream. The amount of Steroidal Saponins in your system is too high, you wouldn’t get upset stomachs or worse, acidity over it.” The doctor tells both Adam and Steven.</p><p>“But, I thought Hanahaki isn’t poisonous?” It was Adam’s turn to ask, shocked and in disbelief at what the doctor was saying.</p><p>“That is… Normally the case.” He sighs. “But, open further observation.” He takes a small glass container and pushes it on his desk for Adam and Steven to see. “We found out that the petal Steven vomited out was a Carnation.”</p><p>“Are carnations poisonous?” Steven questioned, his voice full of fear.</p><p>“Yes, but they’re not that harmful to humans. They have Steroidal Saponins, it’s usually not that toxic to humans but you… The amount of poison in your system that caused you to be this acidic, you’d have to have had carnations inside you for years.”</p><p>“Years,” Steven sits back down to his chair, unable to process all the information the doctor was giving him. “I’ve had Hanahaki for years.” </p><p>“Thankfully, your Hanahaki is only at stage 2 and it’s treatable so far.” The doctor tries to lift Steven’s spirits, but the silveret is already staring down into nothing, his eyes devoid of anything. “You can get chemotherapy and I’ll prescribe medicine to you. We should treat this as soon as possible”</p><p>“I…” Steven starts, he looks to the doctor and thinks for almost a minute. Everyone was silent, waiting for Steven’s reply. “Thank you, please do that.”</p><p>Sitting back in Adam’s car, the two of them were quiet on the way to Steven’s hotel. Steven held in his hand a paper bag full of medicine. He was still somewhat scared for the therapy but he was given a brochure for it.</p><p>“You’re gonna be okay,” Adam says as he puts a reassuring hand on Steven’s thigh.</p><p>Steven glances to the hand on him, remembering the times Andrew would do it as well when he was the one driving.</p><p>“Yeah,” </p><p>----------------------------------------</p><p>Coming back to New York, it was evident that Steven had been through hell. Everyone at work was wary and feeling sorry for him. First he lost his best friend, now the news of Steven having Hanahaki had easily spread within the office. He’s just glad that it was rumoured in the internet, he’d be having an even harder time coping if such a thing had happened.</p><p>“This is fucked up! You should complain, somebody in HR has a big fucking mouth and it’s not right!” Joana told him exasperated, angry for Steven.</p><p>Yet, the silveret only shrugged. They were about to clock out now and Steven was supposed to take his medicine every other hour. He took out his bottle of water and four different types of medicine he needed to drink. Most of them for Hanahaki and the other for his gastrointestinal problems.</p><p>Joana looked at him sad. “How’s the… You know, medicine. Is it working?”</p><p>Steven looked at her, his eyes tired and his face pale. “I actually don’t know yet, it hasn’t even been a week yet since I started.”</p><p>“Right,” She answered back quickly. “Right.” She sighs, feeling a bit stupid for asking too much. She didn’t know how to comfort Steven.</p><p>Back at his home, Steven had a usual routine now. He would try to eat, visit the bathroom regularly, then try to work some more. It was probably bad for him to keep burning himself out, but what else could Steven do at this point? He didn’t want to wallow in his self pity too much and he most definitely did not want to become a burden for the company.</p><p>His phone dinged a notification and Steven was snapped out of his trance. He had been staring at his computer for god knows how long now. Steven massaged his eyelids with his fingers, feeling a headache come to him. </p><p>“Short break,” He muttered, moving away from his laptop for a bit so that he could check his social media. He left his dining table so he could go slouch at his coach instead. Instagram was filled with pictures of Andrew and Steven felt his heart ache once again. His chest had hurt and he could feel another blockage within his throat.</p><p>He didn’t know whether it was the Hanahaki or just his upset stomach wanting to hurl again, but Steven would rather think it was just an upset stomach.</p><p>He closed down his Instagram app, finding it hard to keep on scrolling and seeing pictures of his best friend. <em> ‘I miss him so much,’ </em> Steven thought internally as he tears started to escape from his eyes again.</p><p>“Not again,” He complained with a groan. “I’m so tired.”</p><p>In the midst of stifling down his cries, Steven decided that maybe he could distract himself with Twitter. In the end, he had gone through a hashtag dedicated to Andrew where the fans mourned for him. Steven wanted to join in, but he was just too weak. He read the myriad of messages they had and cried along with them. His best friend was loved all around and he hated that he had to be taken away from them by such a horrible disease.</p><p>A disease that was slowly eating away Steven’s life as well.</p><p><em> ‘I blame Steven. Andrew was obviously in love with him! Steven killed Andrew!’ </em>One tweet caught Steven’s attention. </p><p>The mention of Andrew being in love with him made Steven want to puke. It was impossible. Andrew would never love him that way. It just wasn’t possible. They were nothing more than mere friends. Nothing more, nothing less. Yet, that notion, no matter how dark, had intrigued Steven’s already depressed mind. He checked the thread and found a number of people defending Steven as well.</p><p><em> ‘I don’t deserve this.’ </em>He thought. They were wrong in saying that Andrew had loved him, but were right in a sense that Steven had ignored Andrew’s cries for help and now, Steven was at fault for his death.</p><p>Pictures of the two of them, looking at each other, the smile on Andrew’s lips, and Steven nearly forgot how breathtaking Andrew’s eyes were.</p><p>He coughed. The cough was painful, forceful, and it was hard to breath. Steven had to cover his mouth, his throat ached and itched, he didn’t know what he wanted to do but his other hand went to wrap their fingers around his throat. </p><p>He wanted it to stop.</p><p>He just wanted the pain to go away.</p><p>Steven could feel a petal moving its way out. There was no vomit beside it, he could feel this time that it was the Hanahaki slithering its way out of his system. His esophagus burned and the scratchy feeling of the carnation was like hell. He coughed like a madman, heaving, and nearly forcing himself to puke again just so the damn petal would leave already. His entire face was red, he could hardly breath now, but just a little more.</p><p>Just a little more.</p><p>One last cough and Steven could feel the petal finally leave his throat. There was a moment of relief, feeling the coppery taste of the carnation on his tongue. It was disgusting and slowly, Steven pushed the petal out of his mouth so that he could take it in his hands.</p><p>He tried to normalize his breathing as Steven stared at the petal. The silveret arched up a brow, looking curiously at the carnation.</p><p>“Is that blood?” He said as he observed it properly. He knew that recently blood had been coming along, but the thing with this petal was that the red <em> seemed </em> to be a part of the flower. The red stripe did not look as though it was blood, but a color combination within the carnation itself.</p><p>“What does that mean,” His voice was hoarse as Steven maneuvered his bloodied shaky hands to his phone again. </p><p>He searched on the internet, Hanahaki red and white carnations. This petal was a clue, it was an item for him to search upon so that Steven would know <em> who </em> exactly is this person who he supposedly loves that is not his ex-girlfriend. It was easy to find websites about Hanahaki and flowers, Steven hungrily took in as much information as he could.</p><p>Finally, he came to the part about carnations. As he saw, white carnations meant purity and love. “That has to be her,” He said, forcing himself to believe that all this time, it really was his ex-girlfriend that was the reason for his Hanahaki.</p><p>He could forgive his girlfriend if she was the reason behind this. He could forgive her for everything, for this sickness…</p><p>He could forgive himself if she was the reason.</p><p>Then, he came to the part about striped carnations and Steven felt as though his world was going to fall apart.</p><p><em> ‘ </em> <b> <em>The Striped Red-White Carnation</em> </b> <em> : The patient has been rejecting their love towards someone, being in a state of denial. Another could also mean that they cannot be with their loved one, the most common reason is that their person of affection has passed away. These patients are also likely to suffer from gastrointestinal problems as well, as the carnations in their body would contain a large amount of Steroidal Saponins, a kind of poison found within carnations. The latter effect is a rare occurrence.’ </em></p><p>Steven refused to believe it.</p><p>He would never love Andrew. He would never think of his best friend that way. The silveret cried, shaking his head in anger. There was no way that he would look at the blond that way. Andrew, his Andrew, his best friend. Never once did Steven think about it.</p><p>It was a sin. It was dirty. A blasphemy.</p><p>His God would never abandon nor torture him like this.</p><p>“I’m not gay, I’m not gay.” Steven whimpered, closing his eyes as he cried. His entire body was trembling and Steven shivered. The pain was coming back to him, both his stomach and his chest was burning up at an unbearable heat. Steven was finding it hard to breath again and his head was like it was going to explode. </p><p>He refused to believe that he would stray away from God like this.</p><p>Steven let go of his phone and the petal, clasping both of his hands together as he prayed. </p><p>“Our father who art thou in heaven,” He started and he cried. He felt filthy, felt like trash of the Earth. He was not gay. He did not love his best friend that way. Steven never in his life, did not ever look at his best friend the way he would look at someone he would want to marry and spend the rest of his life with.</p><p>“Hallowed be thy name,” Steven continued, his throat hurt with each word that came out from him. He felt a fever coming and he was now being drenched in sweat. “Please God,” Steven started to plead this time. “Please tell me it’s not true.” He cried pathetically, covering his face with his hands.</p><p>“Please tell me it’s not Andrew.”</p><p>-----------------------------------</p><p>“Steven you look worse!” Joana told him the next day in shock. She took him by the wrist and led him to their desk that was close to each other. “What happened?”</p><p>“Oh,” He said rather late, unable to fully comprehend everything right now. He still had a headache and he barely got any sleep yesterday. “I… I just had a hard time sleeping…” He admitted, looking away.</p><p>“Are you sure you can attend the meeting today?” She inquired.</p><p>“Ye-yeah,” His voice was hoarse and Steven could barely even finish a whole sentence. “It’s--” He cleared his throat, feeling it burn up again. “It’s rude to Adam and Annie.” He takes in a deep breath. “They flew all the way here.”</p><p>Joana put a hand on his arm and squeezed it, trying to comfort him. “Just take it easy okay?”</p><p>They had a meeting today to discuss the status of Worth it. Losing one of the co-hosts was bad enough already, but now that Steven had Hanahaki and it was only a matter of time before the news would break out into the internet, they all had to think about its future.</p><p>Steven, in his clouded judgement, had told everyone in the room that he didn’t really care if they change hosts now. It was a popular show on YouTube and it would be a shame if it was discontinued. Nearly half of the people in the room argued against switching hosts, especially Adam and Annie. Defending the fact that it was Steven who had created and started Worth it itself, it would be a betrayal in itself, the fans would riot as well.</p><p>The silveret basically tuned everything out. He didn’t feel like arguing and honestly? Steven didn’t even want to continue the show without Andrew. It wouldn’t be Worth it without Andrew. His chest ached and at the same time, Steven's mind berated him.</p><p><em> ‘Not worth it? This is why you get that sick notion that you’re in love with Andrew.’ </em>He mused and the more he dwelled in his thoughts of denying Andrew, the more he felt sick.</p><p>“Hey, are you okay?” Adam asked him, pulling Steven out of his trance. The silveret didn’t answer, only looked at Adam who knows that Steven was looking like he was going to faint again.</p><p>“Can we uhm…” Adam tried to grab everyone’s attention. “Can we take a break?” He asked. “It’s been three hours already.”</p><p>“Oh yes,” One of their executives said. “I’m sorry, let’s resume after a thirty minute break.”</p><p>Steven and Adam quickly went out of the meeting room, Adam mostly just following the silveret. “Is it your stomach again?” He inquired, leaning in close.</p><p>Steven felt a bit of heat come to him when Adam came to close proximity with him.<em> ‘Stop acting like a homosexual. </em>’ He thought to himself, making Steven shake his head.</p><p>“I… I don’t know.” He answered. “I’m going to the bathroom just in case.”</p><p>“Okay, I’ll come with you.” </p><p>They came to the bathroom, Steven locking himself in one of the stalls. He felt dizzy and unable to focus in general. Everything in the room was spinning and Steven couldn’t remember the last time he ate. His stomach was churning and chest tightening, he was starting to feel like another petal was crawling its way out of him. He put down the toilet’s lid so that he could sit down.</p><p>And just then, a stranger entered the bathroom to talk to Adam.</p><p>“Hey, you’re Adam right?” The stranger greeted out, Steven is only barely lucid but he can still hear the conversation.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“You’re just the guy we wanted to ask,” The voice became lower and it was from a different person this time.</p><p>“Is it true what happened to one of your co-hosts?” Steven was getting a tad bit interested, he wanted to know what they think they know.</p><p>“Sorry, I don’t think this is really appropriate.” Adam said, trying to cut the conversation off. “Steven--”</p><p>“Hey come on! Tell us! Everybody in the office knows it already.” One of them said excitedly, maybe with a bit of haughtiness and arrogance in his tone of voice. “That guy who died was gay right?”</p><p>“Shut the fuck up!” Adam shouted and Steven heard the rough forceful shifting between them. </p><p>“Hey what’s wrong with you?!” One of them said and Steven heard more roughhousing between them. It made it harder to breathe, made Steven feel all the more sick, this time he felt as though he was really going to vomit. “Everybody knows that Steven practically killed his co-host! We actually feel bad for Steven! He had to ride along with a faggot!”</p><p>Steven couldn’t bear to listen. Bile was moving up to his throat again and he had to go down on his knees, face in the toilet to puke. Everything felt wrong, his body temperature was practically killing him now and his vision started to blur.</p><p>The distant sound of Adam screaming out his name and banging on the door was the last thing Steven could hear. His sight was darkening and seconds later, there was nothing but darkness.</p><p>---------------------</p><p>The next time Steven awoke, he was lying down on a bed. In front of him was a plain white ceiling of a place that was unfamiliar. His body had hurt and his headache was still there. Groggily, Steven looked to his side to try and find some sort of semblance to anything familiar. <em> ‘A hospital,’ </em>He thought to himself, as he checked one side to see a window with a view of the outside. He looked to the other side and saw Adam and Annie talking to a doctor.</p><p>“You’re awake!” Annie was the first one to notice as she came to his side. </p><p>“Oh god, I was so worried!” Adam followed.</p><p>“Hello Mr. Lim.” The doctor greeted him. “How are you feeling?”</p><p>Steven only stared at the trio for a while, trying to remember everything that had happened. He hated every single bit of memory that came back to him. “Bad,” He told in a broken voice.</p><p>“I would expect that much. You’re dehydrated, lacking nourishment, and the steroidal saponin in your system is hard to get rid of.” He explained to the silveret. “You’ll have to be confined here for the time being.” </p><p>He tuned everyone out again, far too tired to listen. Adam and Annie had talked to the doctor and it felt like a second had only passed, but now the duo’s attention was on Steven again and the three of them were the only ones left in the room. </p><p>“Doctor said you have a fever, it’s not going down any time soon. You should’ve told us.” Adam said.</p><p>“Thought,” He started, cleared his throat for a moment since it felt as dry as the sahara. “I could handle it.” Annie gave him a cup of water, she helped him drink it since the silveret could barely even move now without being in pain.</p><p>“Well, that was dumb.” Annie commented. </p><p>“Was it true?” Steven asked this time, looking at Adam. He wanted to hear it from Adam this time, not from some stranger in the office circulating rumours about Andrew. Disrespecting and tainting his best friend’s name. Steven just wanted the truth and to not have lies be thrown at his face.</p><p>Adam gazed away, unable to look Steven in the eyes.</p><p>“Adam,” He spoke louder even when it hurt. “Is it true?”</p><p>“Steven please, you should rest--” Annie tried but was cut off by Steven.</p><p>“Adam, just answer me!” He shouted, a bad move, making Steven cough and whimper in pain.</p><p>“Steven, you can’t think about this right now.” Adam tried to calm his best friend down, just wishing that Steven would let it go for now. Adam didn’t want to see the silveret like this, sick, in pain, and questioning himself.</p><p>“I just want you to tell me,” Steven with a flushed face, teary eyes, and broken spirit pleaded. “I need to know.”</p><p>“We ourselves don’t even know Steven.” Annie admitted, not being able to bear it anymore. “We don’t know, we just guessed that it might’ve been you. There was nobody else that Andrew was more protective, close, and caring enough with other than you.” She cried as he explained. “Even the police thought it, but just didn’t want to tell you.” </p><p>“The company had to make them agree not to let anything out to the press.” Adam said softly. “We just didn’t want to add more suffering for everyone.”</p><p>“God, it was my fault.” Steven cried and his heart ached.</p><p>His heart had hurt so much that he never knew such a pain like this ever existed.</p><p>--------------------------------</p><p>Third day of being confined in a hospital. He had requested for some alone time, requested for a bible to read as he worked on getting better. Steven wanted to go to church, wanted to pray for his sins and go to confession. He wanted to beg for forgiveness from God and to cleanse him from all the sinful thoughts and feelings that were pouring out of him in these trying times.</p><p>Steven felt pitiful. Felt ashamed. But worst of all, Steven knew that he was a disgusting sinner.</p><p>He doesn’t love Andrew. Does not see him in that light. Steven knows for a fact that he would never come to love a man. He would never allow himself to do so, would feel disgusted by the fact that he would…</p><p>He doesn’t hate gay people. Not one bit. He accepts and loves them, happy that they would be able to bask in the glory of God. Just because somebody’s sexuality was different and not from the norm doesn’t mean that they should be shunned away. But Steven? Steven knows better. He knows that it is still wrong and that his own heart would never falter and lose its way.</p><p>He doesn’t love Andrew.</p><p>Andrew is his best friend. </p><p>His male best friend.</p><p>Steven would never love Andrew like that. He would never love if it meant it was a sin.</p><p>But he missed his best friend and Steven cried.</p><p>He coughs and vomits and the hospital had to put a dextrose on him because he was hurling out sustenance more than taking it in. He had grown pale and lost a lot of weight in the past few weeks. Steven was becoming merely a shell of the person he once used to be.</p><p>“I don’t love him,” He whispers softly before he goes into another coughing fit. “I don’t love him, I don’t love him” He chants over and over again.</p><p>“It’s not Andrew, he’s just my friend.” He forces himself to say and Steven has to ready the hospital bucket in front of him because he feels like he might end up puking again.</p><p>He spits out blood and there was a lone petal that came along with it. He feels a heat of anger rise up in his chest. He’ll never believe it. </p><p>Steven does not love Andrew, for he cannot love another man.</p><p>“I don’t fucking love Andrew,” He tells himself again and he coughs. The flower crawls its way up his chest and to his throat. The pain travels into a shiver up to his spine and it hurts. Everything, his entire body is spasming from the disease and his coughs would not stop. The flower, it wants to come out, it wants to leave Steven’s system and be brought out into the world.</p><p>The carnation wants to be freed.</p><p>Steven feels it to be bigger than the usual, not just one or two petals that he’s been letting out. He feels tears in his eyes again and Steven forces it out. It’s so close, the Hanahaki is almost there and just a bit more, just one more push.</p><p>He coughs and he feels it slip out of his mouth.</p><p>Steven stares at the bucket and there it was.</p><p>One lone carnation, striped with the colours of white and red.</p><p>
  <em> ‘The colour for rejection and being unable to be with their beloved because of death.’ </em>
</p><p>Steven cries and he feels his chest ache. It hurts. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.</p><p>The pain is unbearable and Steven has to lay back down on his bed. He clutches at his torso, nearly ripping out the gown he wore. He felt everything go still and move around at the same time. He could hear his own heartbeat and the pain intensified to his entire body, yet also focused only on one part which was his heart.</p><p>His heart that would never love-</p><p>--------------------------</p><p>The media was filled with sadness and mourning. Andrew Ilnyckyj, co-host of the famed Youtube series Worth it was lost on September 18th to stage three Hanahaki. Shortly after his death, the other host Steven Lim fell into sickness. He was diagnosed with stage two Hanahaki, yet died due to heart failure. The poison from the carnations of his Hanahaki had traveled into his bloodstream, then gone into his heart resulting in a heart attack. He was pronounced dead on October 1.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys! So i hope you enjoyed suffering lmao because I did enjoy this too, altho i feel as tho some parts were becoming a bit repetative when it came to Steven crying</p><p>But also, his fucking best friend and love of his life just died so tbh he SHOULD be crying</p><p>Also, never in my life would I have ever thought that all of my moments of being acidic, hospitalized, gastric vomiting problems, and etc would have been essential to a fanfic</p><p>Disclaimer tho, idk if a large dose of steroidal saponin can actually kill a person, much less cause heart failure. I tried to search it kn the net, bur couldn't find an answer so yeah. I'm pretty sure a large dose of poison that even tho regularly non lethal to humans can still kill if you have too mucb of it lol</p><p>Thinking of MAYBE making a third installment to this tbh, idk maybe, i kinda like it not having a good ending lol</p><p>Tell me wat u think guys owo ♥️</p></blockquote></div></div>
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